I can do hard things...

A couple of months ago my sister called me.  We don't talk on the phone a lot, so I was curious to see what she was calling about.  She had an invitation for me (and all my other sisters and mother).  She invited me to run a half-marathon with her this summer.  She has run a half-marathon before.  I on the other hand have not.  I do not run.  I don't run for fun (my Mom does).  I don't run for exercise (a couple of my sisters do).  I don't run.  My sister knows this.  I like to think of myself as active and healthy.  I made a concerted effort last year and lost all the remaining baby weight that was hanging around my hips and thighs.  I eat conscientiously.  I don't have food addictions or really even food crutches.  I like to walk and I live in a place with lots of hills - so even brisk walking is a cardio experience.  I also struggle a little bit with weight and exercise.  I know that I can be doing more to be more fit.  I'm not completely happy with what the numbers on the scale glare back at me and how my clothes fit.  I have a difficult time making exercise happen as regularly as it should.  My life is busy and our combined family schedule requires different colored dry-erase markers (one for each person) just to keep it all straight.  We're often double or triple booked.  With a pre-teen who likes to stay up late, and little ones who get up early, and still two kiddos not in school at all or all day, there's no ideal time for me to work in a good work out.

All of this is running through my head as my sister is telling me the details of the up-coming half-marathon.  I'm intrigued.  It's in one of my favorite spots in the country, where my In-Laws even have a condo-free lodging!  It's not for about 5 months - plenty of time to train!  It's with my sister! - who I don't get to see enough of because we live in different states.  I know it will push me to do something I wouldn't seriously consider doing on my own.  These reasons are also running though my head while I talking with her.  My head then screams "YOU DON'T RUN!  YOU'RE REALLY SLOW!  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PULL THIS OFF???"  My mouth says "Ok, I'm in!"  What?!?!?

We haven't officially registered for the race yet.  We still have a couple of weeks before the price goes up.  I found a half-marathon training schedule for dummies, printed it and sent it off to my Mother and another couple of sisters who might also join us for the insanity.

I was training faithfully for the first couple of weeks, but getting a bit frustrated and disappointed because I didn't seem to be making any improvement.  Was I just not trying hard enough?  Do I need to be more diligent?  What's my problem?  Can I really do this in the 3 1/2 hour time limit of the race?  I don't want to win - I just want to finish before they close the finish line.  I decided I needed to actually run more than I was.  Running is painful for me.  It hurts my knees.  I've done physical therapy-years ago-for knee pain and then the therapist told me to come back if I ever decided to run.  I also noticed recently that I just can't seem to go very far without needing to take a break.  It's not a willpower thing, I'm talking about not being able to physically run any further without collapsing.

I talked to my Mom who is a life long runner about it and after that conversation, I decided I needed to see my doctor.  My quick visit to my family practitioner, in actuality, involved two rounds of spirometer testing, one round of nebulizer treatment, and a chest x-ray.  I left two hours later with a diagnosis of severe asthma and prescriptions for not only a rescue inhaler, but also a twice daily maintenance inhaler as well.  Severe asthma?!?  I honestly didn't have asthma on my radar.  Possible walking pneumonia, yes; asthma - never crossed my mind.  I don't have the typical symptoms: wheezing, coughing, lots of allergies, childhood lung viruses like RSV, etc.  How long have I not been able to breathe?  I have no idea, but my best guess is probably at least 2 years.

At first, I was elated to know that I in fact do have something wrong with me and that I'm not just terribly out of shape.  I. can't. breathe.  I noticed after starting the medication that I had a tight chest much of the time and simply didn't realize or recognize I had a problem.  Then, a few days later I began learning more about asthma and I began to grieve.  I was down because I now am aware that I will have these problems the rest of my life and in some ways that changes some things for me.  I was sad for the need for a daily medication to have a "normal" active, lifestyle.  Now, a few weeks have past since my initial diagnosis, and the reality has settled in.  I'm okay with the whole thing.  I'm thankful for modern medicine and I want to learn more about alternative therapies and approaches to see if any of those options can help in any way.  Yes, my daily reality and routine has changed a bit, but I'm stubborn enough that it won't hold me back from doing hard things!

I had everything all planned out...

When I was a little girl, I had my adult life all planned out.  My plan was nearly identical to most little girls' plans for the future.  And it was of course idyllic:

• Go to college
• Get married
• Have a family
• Live happily ever after

Simple!  It was a great plan!  I was so naive!

I have fundamentally checked all those items off my childhood list for adulthood.  

• Go to college - check.  In fact I went to two different schools (well, actually 3, if I'm going to be technical.  But I don't usually count a one semester stint when I transferred for a boy, then went back to the school I had been attending.)  I even got a degree (well, two actually, but I haven't gone further than undergraduate studies).
• Get Married - check.  We met while in college.  The circumstantial details are a little more involved; my husband likes that version of the story best.  I like to say we met in college; it's true and less complicated.  This year is our 15th anniversary.
• Have a family - check.  We have four beautiful, enjoyable, infuriating, funny, messy, loud, amazing, crazy, smart, sassy, independent, wonderful children.  Check.  Check.  Check.  Check.
• Live happily ever after - check.  Sort of.  On a really good day.  If I'm going to be honest with myself, I have to admit that my life is pretty great.  It's not perfect, no one's is, but we have the basics covered.  We are free from major illness or debilitations, my husband has a good and steady job, we have a comfortable home and lifestyle.  What more could we want?

This description of my childhood dreams and my current reality is all a little sugar coated.  Of course I have good days and not as good days.  I have struggles and challenges, many struggles and challenges.  I also have strengths and talents, many strengths and talents.  There are not many guarantees about anything in life.  But life isn't supposed to be too easy.  And it's not.  We have had our share of trials and difficulties and heartaches.  We have also had joy and triumphs, and amazing blessings too.

This is one place I want to document some of those twists and turns, bumps and dips in the road of life that my idyllic childhood dream could never see coming.  There have been many, and I'm sure many more to come.